On June 5, 2005, a character on Disney Channel’s The Suite Life of Zack and Cody became an icon. On that day’s episode, London Tipton called her BMW’s gear shift by what should be its name:
But most importantly, the character was brought to life by the inimitable Brenda Song – a versatile, multifaceted actress whose work I spent the better part of my youth watching.
The hold the Disney Channel Universe had on me from 1998 to… (let’s be honest) 2010 will be unpacked another time, but for now I want to discuss a world collision that Twitter is losing its mind over. I already knew about this because I am both terminally online and also a Song Stan™, but after announcing the birth of their first child, the rest of America has learned that Brenda Song and Macaulay Culkin are together.
We never get to see two prodigies forge a cross-decade merger like this, so I get why people are freaking out. But speaking my truth – this is my space and I am safe in it – I don’t really remember Home Alone (1990) and Macaulay Culkin didn’t ever resonate with me that deeply. He lived in my mind as the physical manifestation of 😱 and, later, the once-child actor who is actually pretty good at acting. However, if I’m being fully transparent and you’ll allow me to make a crude comparison, Brenda Song was my Macaulay Culkin.
I won’t go too deep on my Disney Channel addiction because I am embarrazzed, but in order to understand Brenda’s impact on me, I’ll have to break it down a little bit.
Disney Channel’s programming targets the complete human lifecycle - from cartoons when you’re young, graduating to sitcoms when you’re a bit older, to feature-length splits-in-the-air Disney Channel Original Movies once you’re a teenager. Because I was a bit of a loner and Disney Channel somehow made it onto our cheap ass cable package, I watched it all day, everyday for a very long time.
I effectively grew up with Brenda Song. Even after new channels entered my rotation (The N, I’m coming for you) and I had other kids’ media to compare Disney to, I could just tell she was a star. She wasn’t in everything, but that was the quality marker: Brenda was only in the good shit. If her name showed up in a new show or movie’s preview, I made sure to clear my 6th grade schedule for it. Not to mention the untouchable DCOM filmography: Get a Clue, Wendy Wu: Homecoming Warrior, Stuck in the Suburbs? I suspect Disney Channel knew who they were working with, because you could always count on a Brenda joint to have a budget.
Imagine my joy when I finally weaned myself off of Disney Channel in college (dark) and began to see Brenda’s talents appreciated out in big Hollywood. Honestly, the only reason I watched The Social Network was because my girl was in it and Dollface on Hulu carries because of her. I just watched Secret Obsession on Netflix last month and yes, it’s rocking a strong 29% on Rotten Tomatoes. But, reader, I still believe Brenda did that. In my eyes, she can do no wrong.
All that to say, this woman is and has always been a big fucking deal to me. So yeah, I’m gonna stan this lightning strike of a relationship and yes, I am so happy for the two of them. However, it is never a bad time to celebrate who makes this pairing truly historic: the national treasure that is Brenda Song.
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You’re correct! This is my first piece after announcing the launch of this publication one month ago. But the world has been tough and isn’t that actually so kind of me, not bombarding your inbox with yet another email? Let’s look past that though, and show a sister some love by subscribing for regular content like this from 2000 and Late. Also, the invitation to guilt trip me on Instagram and Twitter still stands!!
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